A One Act
A tiny orchestra of stringed instruments begins to resonate within the theatre from an unseen chamber. The composition is titled Darkness is magical. However, dissonant sounds begin to interrupt the harmony of the strings. The snapping of branches, human grunting noises, and mumblings can be heard. Then lights begin to emerge from the shadows, headlamps and flashlights, like tiny flashes of lightning targeted directly at select audience members’ eyes.
Thus, five actors emerge from a trail and into the scene: three tubs of water steaming and perched upon a bucolic mountainside. Some of them are breathing heavily, winded. Meanwhile, the audience can also hear the faint trickle of the water and the breeze in the trees’ branches. The trail they are emerging from is rocky and steep. They are hiking downwards from the shadows of the trees and into the middle of the scene. Dim moonlight glows in the wake of their arrival. They all have flashlights though, all of which go dark simultaneously as a woman walks to the edge of the stage.
Larissa: Guys, that “shortcut” took us even longer. The trail that I wanted to take is right over there.
[Mae is pouring a bottle of wine into a glass for herself.]
Sherman: It was a coin toss. We’re here now, stop focusing on the past and see the beauty all around you.
Michael: Yea, whatever, we’re here now, but next time don’t tell us it’s twenty minutes away and then march us up a literal mountain for an hour through bullshit shortcuts in the bushes. My legs feel like a cat’s been scratching at them.
Larissa: Thank You Michael! I got slapped in the face by a branch because of one of you going through that first one.
[Everyone is arranging their bags and stripping]
Cheyenne: Oh yea, you should pay attention. This is my day job and I sort of assume that people have their shit together when they’re not paying me. Anyhow, we’re here now. [Pause] Oh, yea… guys, one of them is really hot, like it’s boiling and one of my clients got burnt once, so be careful. I’m not sure which one it is though.
Mae: [From tub #1] Ahhh… ahhh… god this is so perfect.
Larissa: Yea, it better be worth it.
Sherman: [Carelessly jumps in tub #3 and seems content at first.] Oh, fuuuck! [It’s hot as fuck]
Mae: [Laughs]
Cheyenne: I just told you!
Michael: Oh, shit! Are you ok man?!
Larissa: [scoffs in resignation.]
[Larissa begins to strip down too, but she hesitates and keeps some on. Everyone else is stripped down though. Sherman enters the tub alongside Mae.]
Mae: [Whispering] Who the fuck invited her?
[The others are chattering near their bags, audibly, but about nothing important.]
Sherman: [Also whispering] She just moved here, and I think, ummm… I think Michael has a crush on her.
Mae: That makes sense. [Scoff of disgust] Whatever… [leans backward, relaxing amidst the steam, a chalice of dark swirling fluid in hand.]
[The others begin entering the tubs.]
Michael: I feel like one of those Asian monkeys that you see in pictures, the ones that just chill in hot springs in the snow.
Sherman: We should buy a bunch of them and release them here! Imagine it!
Cheyenne: We are those monkeys! I come here in the winter and it’s glorious. It takes longer and, yeah, it’s miserable when you have to get out of the water, but while you’re in it, it’s like the world melts with you.
Mae: Mmmm, I literally don’t give a fuck. This is heaven right here, right now. [Takes a sip.]
Larissa: Ehhh, I feel like it needs candles.
Michael: Yea! That would definitely complete the scene. You’re a genius! We’ll have to bring candles next time!
[Everyone is silent. Mae is thinking to herself, “this place is heaven… heaven on earth, until people like Larissa…]
Sherman: Yeeeeeaaaaa, ummmm, [struggling to find a new subject.]
Cheyenne: I have to take this family spelunking tomorrow, the parents are both judges, and they asked me whether I have ever read The Case of the Speluncean Explorers. [Pause] I wish that I hadn’t Googled it.
Sherman: Why? What’s it about?
Cheyenne: It’s about… [pause] like… jurisprudence and cannibalism, like how to get away with eating people when you’re trapped in a cave with them.
Sherman: Anthropophagy! That’s savage!
Larissa: Can you like, deny clients like that, or like let them know that if they actually turn out to be really annoying and weird, you’re going to abandon them up on the mountain?
Cheyenne: Huh… [Pause] I really wish that I could do that sometimes… It’s rare though, but there are people who might just deserve it so much that it would only improve my reputation.
[People occasionally move from tub to tub, displacing the water. A rush can be heard each time. There’s a splash this time though as Sherman jumps back into the hot one. He emerges suddenly, standing and shaking his body in a pleasant reaction to the shocking heat.]
Sherman: [laughing] It’s not so bad after you’ve been in the other ones for a little while.
Mae: If you stay standing there too long though, we’re going to have to eat your legs and carry you down the mountain.
Sherman: Mmmmm, yea, the frog has to boil gradually.
Mae: Mmmm, I prefer mine medium rare, so be a deer and let me know when it gets to the point where they’re cooked just beyond use, but still tender and juicy.
Sherman: I brought a meat thermometer to test the heat and figure out which one was dangerous. You already did that for me though, little froggy!
[Everyone laughs and Larissa makes these faces like she’s in a surreal nightmare.]
Cheyenne: [To Larissa] You should get in there too, see whether you can stand the heat.
[Everyone is quiet.]
Larissa: [She emits a scoff/laugh]
Michael: [Somewhat cluelessly searching for a way to change the subject] Look guys! You can see the car on the highway way down below! It’s like a firefly!
[People make noises as they observe the solitary car travelling in the distance before it disappears behind another mountain.]
Sherman: Imagine if there were, like, people up here watching us, anonymous strangers, while we were down there and now it’s us watching them.
Cheyenne: There’s never actually anyone here at night, so, no, nobody’s watching. Nobody gives a fuck.
Larissa: Where do you think they’re going?
Cheyenne: They’re going home. They’re going to bed. Who gives a fuck?
Sherman: No, it’s like a long-distance booty call and this guy is racing through the night to finally go get laid. He’s been flirting with this person for a while and it’s finally happening, or so he thinks, and he’s speeding, and his imagination is running wild. He doesn’t check his phone while he’s driving and she’s actually just texted him, “by the way, to be clear, I only think of you as a friend. I am sorry if I gave you the wrong picture. I have just been drinking, and I wasn’t careful with my words. I do really want to hang out, but I just want to set clear expectations”, but his expectations are rising like a tide, eroding reality, and he’s so fucking certain.
Mae: Yea, and he’s listening to “Ain’t No Mountain”, and he’s not just in it for the sex. He’s in love; like, he’s telling his friends, “I think this might be forever. She’s like my dream come true.”
Cheyenne: Yea, and she also secretly already has a boyfriend. She just really likes attention.
Sherman: Yea, he just got another text that he can’t see because his phone automatically blocks incoming messages while he’s driving and, oh yea, it’s not like there’s any cell reception way the fuck out here! [In a caricatured voice] “Also, my boyfriend’s here, so it totally won’t be awkward.”
Larissa: What the fuck is wrong with you guys? [Scoff]
Mae: We’re the Bacchae! If you have a problem with it, get out of the tub, walk down that mountain, and give us something new to talk about. [She takes another swig from the strangely ornate chalice.]
Larissa: [She’s disgusted and silently premeditating, about to respond forcefully, until…]
[A car crash is heard far far away in the distance; the rumbling thunder of the event echoes throughout the valley before the actors. The actors can see the light as the scene unfolds before them.]
Michael: Oh fuck!
Sherman: Shit! Somebody call someone!
Cheyenne: [She leaps up to action, emerges and grabs her phone.] I don’t have any fucking service!
Larissa: [She’s freaking out, starting to cry and breathing rapidly] Oh my god, um, the fucking car is on fire!
[There’s a flash of light, an explosion, and the rumbling thunder echoes again throughout the theatre.]
[Cheyenne and Sherman leap to action, they throw on their clothing without saying anything, and they’re preparing to run into the forest, down the mountain, and to do whatever is possible. Larissa is still panicking and Michael kicks into action too, joining the descending party. Seeing that, Larissa suddenly becomes more lucid and starts getting clothed too, as if she’s going to join the rescue party.]
Cheyenne: Just don’t. Stay in place. Please. [Then she turns around, hurriedly exits stage left, and is followed by the others who rush without saying a word. Only Mae and Larissa remain on the stage.]
[Mae is still seated, sipping coolly from her chalice, oh so abnormally calm and relaxed, watching Larissa silently.]
Larissa: I can’t believe this is happening. I have to go help them!
Mae: You don’t have to do anything. Just get back in the fucking water and stop making a scene.
Larissa: How can you be such a cold-hearted bitch?
Mae: Because I’ve got these fucking hot springs to warm my heartless body, and shit like this, it happens every day—it’s nature. [She’s holding the chalice, but she doesn’t sip. She’s peering into Larissa.]
Larissa: What if it was you though?
Mae: It would be the same. It’s always the same. It’s the fucking theatre of life.
[Larissa attempts to interject]
Mae: No! Quit wasting my fucking time. We’re all just actors and spectators, assholes and car crashes, but at least we’ve got VIP seating today.
[Larissa is disoriented. It is as if a pillow is being held against the force of her will. Thus, she grows silent, enters the water, and looks into the audience. Mae passes the chalice to her; she’s still disoriented, and hesitates, but then she takes a sip, and continues to watch the scene unfold. The fire grows before them, spreading from the crash site into the surrounding forest. It begins to illuminate their faces as they watch silently. The flame is coming to consume them. Nonetheless, they sit in silence as the fire grows brighter, the actors in the water and the audience remain in their seats pondering, and the scene is protracted as a new song eventually begins to rise from beyond the stage, stringed and wind instruments in crescendo with the rising inferno. It is titled άκαυστο (γιατί το ένα είναι φλόγα), and the song rises to a height, a sharp note felt under the audience’s skin, rising higher still until the stage is suddenly illuminated in a split second of blinding light before being engulfed in the silent shadows of the curtain’s close.]
CURTAIN
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